Saturday, December 18, 2010

Ya Allah Tuhan Yang Maha Besar Lagi Maha Pengaseh

Tiadalah daya dan kekuatan kita melainkan kekuatan Allah semata-mata. Betapalah lemahnya kita sebagai hamba-Nya yang dhaif dengan dosa bagaikan pepasir dipantai. Tatkala diambil sedikit sahaja kenikmatan dari kita apabila kita lalai akan tanggungjawab sebagai seorang hanba-Nya...terasa benar bebanan yang ditanggung...terkadangnya terasakan tidak tertanggung dek jasad yang kerdil ini.

Ya Allah, sebagai hambaMu yang kerdil ini serasanya tidak layak aku menghuni syurgaMu, namun tidak juga aku mahu terjun ke nerakaMu. Bimbinglah kami ya Allah ke jalanMu yang lurus, jalan yang Engkau redhai dan bukan jalan yang Engkau murkai. Cekalkanlah hati kami ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat kami ya Allah, tetapkanlah iman kami ya Allah...sesunguhnya akulah insan yang penuh dosa dan ampunilah dosa-dosa kami ya Allah dan terimalah taubat kami ya Allah.

Terlalu berat rasanya bebanan yang dipikul ini dan sesungguhnya tiadalah Tuhan yang aku sembah melainkan Engkau ya Allah dan nabi Muhammad itu sesungguhnya pesuruh Engkau, dan kepadamulah yang aku sembah dan meminta pertolongan. Keluarkanlah aku dari belengu yang memenjarakan ini dan berilah aku peluang memperkbaiki lagi diriku yang terlalu tidak sempurna ini, agar aku dapat menjadi seorang hambaMu ya ng lebih baik dan bertaqwa.

Dengarkanlah rayuan dan permohonan hambaMu yang dhaif lagi hina ini ya Allah Tuhan yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Pengampun, dan perkenankanlah. Allahum maajirna minannar3. Rabbana aatina fiddunnya hasanah, wafil'ahirotihasannah, waqinaa'azaabannar....Amin

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Anxiety




Been months since my last post. It's just that I am not myself these past few months, I felt that I don't have the energy to do anything...that's how I feel... even though in reality I can still run around. It is so bad when you are emotionally disturbed. I dont understand myself sometimes...everytime I went to see a doctor, I was told, that there is nothing really wrong with me. Medical check up came out ok...so what is wrong with me??... I feel scared out of a sudden, I feel weak all the time, I feel sleepy.... am I in the brink of depression?...is it pre menopausal symptom that make it so bad??

I have to fight this .. whatever it is... I hate myself for feeling the way I do, it stopped me from doing things I wanna do, it stopped me from enjoying my life to the fullest, it even stopped me from doing my exercise. I dont wish anyone else to go and suffer from anxiety. It is not a nice place to be.

I became scared of everything...Ive been here before and I dont wish to go through it once again. Please Allah, I need my life back on track. La haulawala qhuwatailla billahil'alim yil'azim.

May Allah bless me and granted my wish. Ameen


Soleil

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Luruh

berteleku dijendela kamar
menuai bulan
kutanyakan pada angin
daun manakah nanti
yang akan jatuh
menyembah bumi



soleil

Always somewhere

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Blog Aku



Ini blog aku dan blog ini aku punya, apa saja yang mau kupaparkan adalah aku atau kawan aku atau famili aku, atau dunia aku...

Jika aku mau ceritakan tentang aku, aku kena panggil tukang cerita dan pemukul rebana. Aku mesti pasangkan tabir wayang kulit dan sediakan pangkin dan bangku , tempat berteleku, kerana ceritaku takkan selesai sepurnama...

Lalu aku rasakan, biarlah ianya rahsia... jika aku ceritakan pada teman-teman, tatkala teman menjadi musuh, seluruh dunia akan tau perjalanan hidupku. Jika aku ceritakan kepada musuh, lagilah bercahaya dunia mereka. Jika aku ceritakan kepada ayahanda bonda ku, maka akan menderitalah mereka memikirkan aku...

Lalu aku kabarkan saja kepada angin lalu. Siapa yang 'arif dan bisa menafsir usapan bayu dan tamparan angin, maka beruntung lah kalian yang memahami dan bersimpati. Siapa yang sekadar merasakan dingin dan panas bahangnya saja, maka berbahagialah juga kerna kalian tidak perlu menafsir dan memeningkan kepala.

Maka aku adalah aku dan tetap aku. Aku tidak perlu berubah untuk sesiapa dan sesiapa tidak perlu berubah untuk aku....lebih baik ianya begitu...kerana akan damailah dunia yang satu.

Salam sejahteraku.



Soleil

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Sepi


sedetik dalam hidup adalah sepi
sepi berjalan dibumi ini
sepi laut yang dilayari
sepi bulan menyendiri
sepi pepohon yang tegak mati

sepi bercanda sepi
sepi adalah hati


soleil
kuala semantan 0118hrs
@Ogos 23-10

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Who Do You Think You Are

I know I can't take one more step towards you
cause all thats waiting is regret
dont you know I'm not your ghost anymore
you lost the love, I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
and now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are
running around leaving scars
collecting your jar of hearts
tearing love apart

You gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul
dont come back for me
who do you think you are

I hear you are asking all around
if I am anywhere to be found
but I,ve grown too strong
to ever fall back in your arm

I've learned to live, half alive
and now you want me back one more time
It took so long just to feel alright
remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wished I had missed the first time we kissed
cause you broke all your promises
and now you are back
you dont get to get me back

Dont come back for me
who do you think you are
who do you think you are
who do you think you are


soleil

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I am my own prisoner.....




I am in my own prison, I created it for me and I am trapped inside. I have been trying and still trying to find the key that has been misplaced along my life's path, sometime I feel so strong that I can almost reach it and at times I feel so damn weak that everything becomes so blurrr in my eyes, mixed with the pain, the hopelessness, the need, the want, the tears....If only I can just snap out what's in my mind, pull off the nasty thought and the so and so and so that inprison me....


I have to be strong and pull myself up and face it and beat it....God please help me.....because I know, if You bring me to it, You will bring me through it...


Life is ...........



Soleil

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Blank, Blank and more Blank




I have been missing from this site for quite a while, I myself dont even know what happened, the time suddenly ran so fast that I was gasping for breath trying to catch up...but who am I compete with nature...

Here I am again, still full of blank thought in my head, there are so many things that I wanna do and yet it seems there is so little time to fit all in it...just sitting here, staring at the quiteness and calmness of the nite, there are no stars decorating the empty sky, all the people seems to be in their sweet dreams under their cosy blanket...and I am still here, wondering and pondering at life.

Staring deeper into oneself, all I can see is a bunch of bones with no flesh...ahhh is that how empty my life has become, I seems to have lost the ball, now wondering to get back in track, longing for the guiding hand of my angel, who seems so far and yet so near in heart...sometime I feel like erasing everything from my life's pages and leave everything behind and search for solitude...but there are so many things that still need to be done...

Ahhhhhhh...life is so complicated sometime and I am lost in this massive universe...I need you Angel...


Soleil

Monday, May 10, 2010

Tears Of Joy



What is the point of laughing? Laughter changes our body chemistry, makes us feel young again and transform relationships. It is very hard to be in conflict with someone who makes us laugh. They go from being our enemy to being our friend, even if we still question their sanity and behaviour.

Why do tears become a part of laughter when the laughter is really uncontrolled?I think whether we laugh or cry, tears are a healing release and wash away our troubles. The more we store within us, and the less we react, the more harm we do to our bodies. Tears of any kind cleanse the soul.

Cry our tears of joy and sorrow and help our body to heal by eliminating the poisons that reside within.



Soleil

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

But Nothing Can Stop A Smile....for U

Heart can skip beats for a while
Memories can be kept in a file
A desert can replace the Nile
But...Nothing can stop a smile
When ur name appears on my mobile.
......... ......... ......... .........
My eyes reacted
My mind was attracted,
My heart was affected,
Thousands were rejected,
But u alone were selected !!
........ ......... ......... .........
Measured by miles you are far from me.
Measured by thoughts you are closer to me.
Measured by closed eyes you are with me.
Measured by Heart you are in me...forever. .



Soleil

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Wish Upon A Star


Wow!!! It has been a month since my last post. Where was I, what happened to all the hours??? Has the world gone smaller that we dont feel the time passed us by. What a world. I wish upon a star that all the dreams that I dreamed will come true...

There is a song that speaks of wishing upon a star. It tells us that it doesn't matter who we are, we will still obtain our heart's desire. When our hearts are one with our dreams, nothing is impossible. As the song says, " Everything your heart desires will come to you."

What would be the purpose of dreaming, if dreams never came true.? They are not fantasy, they are the goals we need to reach out for. I am talking about the dream of the heart of which the song lyrics speak. If our heart is in our dreams, we cannot be dreaming the wrong dreams, and we will have the power to make them come true. So never stop dreaming the dreams of your heart's desire.



Soleil

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Eyes

If you say my eyes are beautiful
its because they are looking at you

Look me in the eyes
you might find me there

Kisses
Soleil

Monday, March 15, 2010

Buat Yassinsalleh - teman tapi mesra

( Penghormatan buat Yassinsalleh, sebuah puisi indahnya buat Qisharina)

bertemu
di maya cyber ini
bagaikan
jarijenari kita bersentuhan
di ambang senja
untuk
berpisah sesegera terjumpa
atau
kita, kau dan aku
akan pantas berpegangan tangan
sambil meniti pelangi buihbuih lembayung
melintas sempadan
garis pemisah antara virtual dan realiti
ke alam impiankah
atau cuma
sekadar untuk meneruskan mimpi


yassinsalleh
0706 hrs jan 16. 10
sanggar simfoni bluesRINDU
2010 yassinsalleh
Qisharina

Hold On To That Thought - wink

Life is about dreaming and changing.....we cant make dream but we can make changes....so think of something beautiful and nice, which make you happy and hold on to that thought and make it happen......


love life and be thankful...




Soleil

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Rainbow for my sweet M


After crossing all boundaries of hurts
i can surely handle any pain
no matter how severe
with a strength of a woman
that rainbow I will touch
when it appears
and when its gone
i will search until it is found

because i know
rainbow appears
between drizzles and the heat
between happiness and the tears

i will squeeze the hot red charcoal
and turn it into a diamond
i will weave the sharp gravels
and turn it into a ship
i will knead the tsunamis and the quakes
and make it into one
a place for my resting night



soleil

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Pelangi buat M

Setelah melampaui semua sempadan kelukaan
aku pasti bisa menahan kesakitan
walaupun parah berdarah
dengan kekuatan seorang bernama perempuan
pelangi itu akan kugapai
bila ianya menjelma
dan hilangnya akan kucari
sehingga kutemui

kerana aku tahu
pelangi itu tercipta
antara gerimis dan bahang suria
antara bahagia dan airmata

bara itu akan ku genggam
menjadi permata
kerikil itu akan kusulam
menjadi bahtera
tsunami dan gempa
kuadun menjadi satu
satu ranjang peraduanku

percayalah



Soleil

Friday, March 5, 2010

My Heart Is Empty

You came like a rainbow
Without light but so beautiful
And I become like a butterfly
Lost in the garden of flowers
With so many colours
Not knowing where to go
Not knowing what to do

With your presence
I can dream the hours away
With your absence
My heart is empty.


Soleil

Friday, February 19, 2010

If Dreams Can Be Booked - thanx 2u

if dreams can be booked
I will pay the price in full
even if that means
I will have to stay in the dark
for using the dosh for the bills
because
in dreams
we, you and I
will always be together
chasing the rainbows
playing in the rain
catching butterflies
and in dreams
the time
stood still
if only
dreams can be booked



soleil

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Lost Star - For my Sweetheart



I was searching
for my star angel last nite
but
the sky was so dark
the nite was so eerie
and i was lost
like a sailor

with dead wind

and this morning
when the day breaks
i felt a sharp knife
piercing my heart
for i seem to have lost
my shining star
to another planet...


soleil

Lightning - For those who understand me



Its late
and am still here
wondering and pondering
not a single star decorating the sky
the nite seems to be even gloomier
than it is


what i can hear
is the drumming of my own ears
is the beating of my own heart
is the breathing of my own lungs
drowning the sound of the surrounding

and this pain
hit me so hard
like a lightning
and I am dead inside


soleil

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My Thirst - For those who feel me

Its been ages since my last post
I just dont realise the time that passed
dragging me along
the long winding road
that is endless

This wound seem never to heal
at times there are so much anger
at times there are so much pity
at times there are so much tears
and those tears
will lighten the feeling
for a time being

There are not so many things that I want
in life now
but that not so many, are all important
so much so that sometime
thinking about it will draw tears

Ahh why life has to be so complicated
when it is suppose to be easy
but I am sure high above the rainbow
behind the moody sky
the sun still shines
and the rain will fall
and I will be right here
waiting for its ray
to caress my soul
waiting for its drop
to quench my thirst



Soleil

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Waiting

in life we come across lots of waiting
waiting for a plane
waiting for a cab
waiting for the kids at the school gate
waiting for the ordered food to reach the table
waiting in the bank for ur no to be called
wait
wait
and more wait

and i am waiting for my angel to be here
waiting for that soothing voice to tell me
that everything will be alright
waiting for the bright star to shine up above
in the darkness of the nite
like an owl longing for the moon

and i will continue waiting
waiting for the rainbow to appear
and color the crying sky

waiting is a torture for a soul to carry
waiting is a pain that cant be describe
waiting is pure burden to anyone who waits

and without realising
we too are waiting for our time



soleil

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Pretend



Life is simple but we make it difficult. We have to understand that we cant have everything we want in life, so we have to make sure we enjoy every moments that is coming to us. Life needs to be appreciated more than it needs to be understood.

So if we cant have what we want so badly....just pretend that we have it.
So lets just pretend and not be frustrated...there will be time for everything. Sleep it over and you will feel much better or dream about it for dreams put colours to life.

Make believe.........




Soleil

Monday, January 25, 2010

Rain

its a wonderful world....but sometimes life sucks

so lets go and walk in the rain...so you will not realise
that i am crying......



soleil

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

M2M


I am always with you —your Love is my home
And I know you’re with me wherever I roam...
Through our gardens of green where the sun is so warm
My spirit is free and our soul reborn...

We can listen to birds and feel the soft breeze,
Smell flowers in the grass as we smite at the trees...
When you sleep we share memories in your dreams,
When you wake I am near you and you beside me...

Your eyes cannot see me though your thoughts I can feel
They comfort us both when you know I'm still real...
In your mind and in mine, we are never apart
So be happy in knowing that I’m safe in your heart.



Soleil

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Confession - Just For U


Touched by all that love is
I draw closer toward you
Saddened by all that love is
I run from you

Surprised by all that love is
I remain alert in stillness
Hurt by all that love is
I yearn for tenderness

Defeated by all that love is
At the truthful mouth of the night
Forsaken by all that love is
I will grow toward you



Soleil

You Are More Than Angel

You are an angel in my eyes -
the man who is allowed
to sit beside me - you

who listens intimately
to the whisper of
my voice, the enticing

laughter that makes my own
heart beat fast. If I meet
you suddenly, I cant

speak - my tongue is broken
a thin flame runs under
my skins, seeing nothing
hearing only my own ears
drumming, I drip with sweat
trembling shakes my body

and I turn paler than
dry grass. At such times
death isn't far from me.


Soleil

Friday, January 1, 2010





Happy New Year to everyone....

may we are blessed with happiness, health, wealth and most of all peace of mind this new year.



Soleil