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soleil

maison du soleil

191211

Green and Blue (specially dedicated to you, my sweet writer)

(You and I have missed each other the last few days, you on I off, I on you off, you here I there,I there you here, you up I down, you down I up.....)

The sky is blue and the grass is green,

and we are the only two in between.

You are to the left and I to the right,

when I turn around you were not in sight.

I ran to the left and I saw you on the right,

I called to you again but you were out of sight.

We passed each other by going too fast,

could not stop on the slippery wet grass.

When I turned around again I bumped into the back of you,

finally we are here face to face and in view.

So here we are, I and you,

I am sorry I missed you which is hard to do

since we are the only two

in between green and blue

Soleil

MJ (RIP)

This morning I woke up to a mail sent by someone whom I adore, love and respect and it was like the first ray of the sunshine for the day. It made my morning. While getting my kids ready for school, the song Crazy by Gnarls Barkley played crazyly in the background....love the song. I do feel like that sometime and the wordings put a big smile on my face. Eventhough the headache still refuse to leave me point blank, listening to that song, helped alot.

Before leaving for school, I logon to yahoo and read the news about MJ (RIP), played the related video of the newest events. After listening to Jermaine sang soul hurting song Smile, I grabbed the last few minutes listening to Paris (MJ daughter) tribute to her beloved father. When she opened her mouth and uttered the words, "Ever since I was born, daddy was the best father you can imagine, and I just want to say I love him so much" and broke down in tears, my own tears ran down my face and I just cant stop crying. The short journey to school was in a sad and heavy feeling that crowded the whole of me.

I love you Michael and whoever bear the same name......because I think in the heart of the people name Michael, I can feel the loneliness, I can touch the love that is so honest and pure.....Rest In Peace Mikail and May Allah blessed your soul.....Aamiiinn...

was it u??

Together as one we can be for as long as you want to be, not being able to tell where one end and the other begins. That is how close I want to be with you and into you. To know your thoughts before you speak as you know me as well. I don't want to be your world, I just want to be in your world to take care of all your needs, emotional, physical, mental and maybe..just maybe take your breath away every fleeting moment....So who am I to you...I want to be your friend, your lover, your strength, your comfort, your moon star and sun, your rain on a sunny day and your sun on a rainy day. I want to be your cover that covers you like your skin, I want to be your rhythm and your vibration. Who am I....the perfect one for you.....

so long........time to share is always there

I peered thru life

Ever avoiding strife

But now am undone

My barriers broken

For one has found me

Reached in and unbound me

His love has burst my bonds

And set music to my songs

His need for me

And mine for him

Has made my Winter Spring

A new start

With hammering heart

We color the world with our dream

Nothing is as it did seem

The darkness of my solitude is done

He - my rising sun.

Sound familiar?????(Dedicated to my Mafia)

2 20 in the morning and I am still up.... I wouldn't mind being up if you were here with me..I watched the rain shower come and go I thought about us...in the rain... just want to share moments with you ..... passion, fire, ice, wet, dry, warm, hot, you turn on me and i turn you on..... heat, electricity, desire, lust, love, sigh, wink, raised eyebrow, eye contact, kiss..a look..deeper kiss.more passion....... a touch, a caress.... softness. shiver, desire. starting all over again, wondering if i make u want me more or like me less doesn't matter still together... will correct what's wrong..do it again..... start over...a look, a touch. you, me, us, we, want u to want me as much as i want u, not just physical, emotional, mental, take your breath away.... give you me to breath with oxygen mixed in, touch me, feel me, want me, cut me, see me bleed for you...not deep superficial, not dying just crying... cry out in a low whisper your name.....hear me, come to me, slap me, caress me again..... on my knees holding on to your thigh....the aroma of your skin... mmmmmmmmmmmmm. I seduce your mind, you seduce my body, i set your spirit free....you punish my body with bad behavior.....the more i free you the more you seduce me...... one more thing to say... wow!!!

dibuai mimpi semalam

dah dua hari aku tak menjenguk blog aku, sebab drumah ayahbonda takde internet, manalah pandai warga emas tu nak guna internet, jadi miss la aku nak membebel kat sini.

di kampung aku terjumpa album album lama yang masih menyimpan gegambo aku semasa muda...(dah tua skang nih)...sronok lak menenguknyer...banyak gambar masa aku skolah s.a.b.s (sultan abu bakar school) di kuantan dulu, kegiatan seni aku, muka diaorang aku ingat tapi sesetengahnya aku dah x ingat nama, al maklum lah sign of aging, ataupun aku ni dari muda selalu sangat dibius untuk c-sec, d&c, lap & dye dan entah apa lagi. kata doktor, kalau slalu sangat kena bius, ia effect ingatan kita...betui lah agaknyer, sebab aku mudah sangat lupa...dan suffer fuzzy thinking.

dalam pada itu aku terjumpa lak puisi salah seorang dari jejaka yang jatuh cinta dengan aku (ramai benor yang jatuh cinta ngan aku, tapi aku tak pernah lak jatuh cinta dengan diaorg,) entahlah. nama pena aku marijin. aku pernah buka cafe atas nama marijin, dan kakak aku buka bisnes atas nama marijin sdn bhd ( dia tutup dah), nape aku tak tau. dan tandatangan aku hingga sekarang ni masih lagi marigin...(tapi aku tukar j kepada g).

datang lak sedihnyer bila mengingatkan betapa bodohnyer aku memusnahkan kesemua puisi2 yang ditulis oleh mereka, termasuklah pyan habib, yassin salleh dan allahyarham mustafa nor...itu semua aku lakukan semasa aku benar2 frust dok d London dan merindui aktiviti aku....dalam kekecewaan dan kerinduan yang amat sangat ditahun kedua aku disana, aku melakukan sesuatu yang teramat drastik, membakar kesemuanya, kerana aku memikirkan yang aku takkan dapat lagi mengecapi itu semua....dan kehadiran catatan2 itu amat menyakitkan aku...dan setelah dua puluh tahun, aku menyesalinya yang teramat sangat.

dan bila aku menjumpai puisi azmi kadir dirumah ayahbondaku, aku terlena dibuai mimpi semalam. dalam blog aku esuk aku tuliskan puisi2 yang diberi nama marijin (i), marijin (ii) dan marijin (iii)yang aku jumpa

jumpa lagi.

Teringat masa lalu....

Bila malam2 cam ni mula lah aku dok teringat zaman dok di London dolu2, ter merindu sangat aku akan kota metropolitan yang tak pernah tidur tu...malamnya bermula bila jam didinding dah lelah berpusing, terkenang teman teman yang masih lagi tak mau pulang2 ke kg halaman...sronok sangat dok negeri mat salleh tu....nak nangis, tak termenangiskan...kalo dulu, mula mula sampai sana, mak oiii, tenguk malap jer dunia, berasap jer nampaknya, pokok lak tak berdaun, togel kekuningan...tahun pertama beraya melalak lalak aku nangis....punya la menongging aku.

tapi nasib ler masa tu dok kat Glenhill Close, ada 13 keluarga melayu, terasa la raya, kalo tak aku rasa aku dah mati keras dek sejuk dan rindu rendang ketupat...dia orang buat takbir dari rumah ke rumah...alahai...beraya di perantauan...aku dapat bayangkan mereka yang tak lama lg akan mengalami rasa yang sama pernah aku lalui selama 17 tahun( oisshhh lama tu kat luar negeri)

Camnerla, member member aku skang nih....aku tak antar pun kad raya kat diaorg...kalo dulu umah aku jadi tempat member2 lepak sampai subuh....slalunya mereka akan tepon aku jam 12 malam sebaik ajer aku nak naik katil tdo..."kringggg....kringgggg...aaaaa masak masak la apa yang patut, kami sampai tak lama lagi"...biasanyer gitulah....tu dia kantoi tdo aku ari tu...dan soheh nyer esuk tertido di pejabat, tersengguk sengguk...sebab sepanjang malam tu aku tukang buat kopi dan makanan...asap rokok jangan kiralah...tak tau brapa kotak mereka kosongkan...

sekarang semua tu jadik kenangan ajer ler...semua dah berumah tangga ( tangga ni biasanya skang dalam rumah, bukan kat luar lagi)...namun masih ader yang tinggal, tak sesuai dah nak dok mesia...panas segalanya...al maklumlah....

aku ni kira nasib sangat banyak baik...sebab hubby aku nak dok kat mesia....kalo tak..erm, aku pong jadik cam dia orang gak...namun walaupun lama dok negeri orang, aku tak lah jadik seperti sesetengah student kita, baru setahun di London, dah jadi mat salleh yang lebih dari mat salleh...

pernah member aku pramugari sajer nyakat, tanya student kita dalam airplane..." excuse me sir, what wud u like to have, ayam or chicken??...apa dijawab, " chicken please".....hahaha

entahlah...biar ler malam nih aku menelek semula kenangan lampau lembaran demi lembaran...uhuk uhuk uhuk