Oh wow!!!

Blimey!!!!

For what I suddenly realized was that it has been 2 weeks since my last post...wow...and for what I too realized, I am 2 weeks older. How time flies...and at this very moment, here I am sitting at the Anjung Kasrah alone and thinking...Ive been here since the last day of Ramadhan....

The Kasrah Station is getting quieter and quieter. One after another left for their nest for Monday... work starts again...I guess I wont be the last one to leave for I am going to leave in about a couple of hours time.

I dunno what I've been doing for the last two weeks...I guess I,ve been enjoying the company of my brothers and sisters..talking about oldtime, visiting family and frens and bla bla bla.

And oh wow....this Raya hold a special memory for without really planning anything, I met one of my long lost fren...The last time I saw him was 31 years ago when I was 18 years old... That was something, and I do hope we will keep in touch between our family....sad his son met with an accident recently but he is getting better...I hope he will recover fully soonest.

As for you Angel, I did enjoy my Eid but one thing, I did not really take any pictures of the celebration this year...dunno why...and I wonder whY, wHY and WHY....I hope you are back to yourself 100% after that long week of being not yourself.....even though in silence, you are not forgotten, you are closer than you ever thought you are.....

Till another time......

Soleil

Knife

You touched my life

With your softness in the night

Your wish is my command

Until you went out of love

Tell myself I 'm free

Got the chance of living just for me

No need to hurry home

Now that you 've gone

Knife cuts like a knife

How will I ever heal

I'm so deeply wounded

Knife cuts like a knife

You cut away the heart of my life

When I pretend

Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends

I wonder if they know

Its just a show

I'm on a stage

Day and night I go through my charade

But how can I disguise what's in my eyes

Knife cuts like a knife

How will I ever heal

I'm so deeply wounded

Knife cuts like a knife

You cut away the heart of my life

Ohhhh......ooooooo...ooooooooooo

I've tried and tried

Locking up the pain I feel inside

The pain of wanting you

Wanting you..ooooo

Soleil

Breaking Fast At Mc Donald

M, I do hope by now you are feeling much better. When I heard your voice today, I knew that you are on the road to recovery. The old M is coming back. You did ask me today when am I going shopping for the Eid celebration for the kids...and I said, I dunno. But this evening we went out shopping after the piano lesson.

Wow!!! 21 out of 22 days of fasting has taken its toll on my 8 years old boy. He fell asleep in the car on the way out shopping. We did not go shopping straight away since the time to break our fast was only 20 minutes away. So as promised we headed to Mc Donald.

Voila....FOC date from Mc D to the customers. Not bad, good gesture. I ate all three.

And the time to break our fast. This is 5 years old, Arrizq my sister's grandkid who is staying with me. He wanted to stay wiv me and not his parents. Look at his expression, enjoying his fries....mmmm

And this is another one of my adopted daughter, 9 years old Alfun enjoying her double decker..or watever it is call.I am not a Mc D lover...so am not too sure of the name.

Here is my precious angels. Boy already wide awake for the breaking of his 21st day fasting...enjoying his double decker, fries and milo.. and my gurl with her double cheese burger, fries and milo. As for me I had filet o fish, but half of it gone into the kids tummy for I have to always pay taxes on watever food I ate. Hahaha...but it was a fun day out with the kids M. A few more days, Ramadhan will be over and we will celebrate Eid, the day we pass our test.

Soleil.

Laylatul Qadr, The Night of A Thousand Nights

Without realising, 21 days have passed this Ramadhan and we are in our last 10 days of it. In this last 10 days lies a night of Laylatur Qadr....a night of blessings and rewards....a night which is equivalent to a thousand night.....This one night surpasses the value of 30,000 nights.

Abû Hurayra radiyallahu `anhu relates that the Holy Prophet sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said:
“Whosoever worshipped on Laylatul-Qadr, with faith and with a sincere intention, all of his previous sins are forgiven.” (from al-Bukhârî and Muslim).

From the nights of the blessed month of Ramadan, one is known as Laylatul-Qadr and during it, blessings, rewards and an abundance of good can be gained.
Allah Most high has made worship during this night worth than a thousand months, i.e. anyone who spent this night in worship, would have worshipped an equivalent of eighty three years and four months – khayru(n)m-minalfi shahr.

The night of al-Qadr is better than a thousand months.” The reality is that Allah can increase the rewards gained during this month to as much as He wants and this is an amount which is beyond our imagination.

So may we get this night for us by worshipping...this night falls on the odd night of either 21st, 23rd, 25th, 27th or the 29th.....and if we happened to meet this night, what prayer shall we say??

`A'ishah (radhiAllâhu `anha) reported that she asked Allâh's Messenger sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, "O Messenger of Allâh! If I knew which night is Laylat ul-Qadr, what should I say during it?" And he instructed her to say: Allahumma innaka 'affuwwun tuhibbul 'afwa fa'fu 'anni' which means "O Allâh! You are forgiving, and you love forgiveness. So forgive me." [Recorded by Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and at-Tirmithi]

May Allah be with us always.....

Soleil

These Things We'll Never Know

What lies beyond the horizon

Where oceans meet the sky

Not one has reached that meeting place

No matter that they try

What holds the moon high overhead?

I've heard that its gravity

What if her arms get tired and

She drop that moon on me?

What if the stars stop twinkling

Just quit their shining bright

How would the ships then navigate

If stars turned off their light

What if the sun just dissappeared

No longer was in sight?

Nor mortal would survive for long

Lost in eternal night

Who was the one who chose decor

Of colours that we see

The blue of sky, the gold of sun

The green of leafed out tree?

Who planned a river's journey

And why do strong winds blow

Who told each bird what song to sing

These thing we'll never know

These are the very questions that

Have always perplexed man

Only one has all the answers

Our Creator with his plans...

Soleil

The Black Holes Of Renewal

When we need to find our energy and source, the place to look is in the darkness. It is in the black holes that the energy of creation lives. Wheather we are speaking of the universe or of an individual, darkness is the source of life.

When facing emotional despair, hopelessness or physical anguish, going into the darkness helps us to find our self and renew our life. It is in the nothingness that we can stop and find peace and answers. When we see our true potential, we can then create ourselves anew. We can become like a blank canvas and begin the act of creation out of a darkness.

If we hold a piece of paper with a black dot on it and ask people what they see, many will say a black dot and some will answer correctly, a piece of paper with a dot on it. We can decide to focus on the darkness or use it to appreciate that our life contains light too. We would never appreciate the light if we didn't have the darkness.

Dont be afraid of the darkness. Let the Director show us the way. Go inside and discover our own black hole, and emerge with new energy and the true light of awareness. Let the tomb become a womb.

The cave we fear to enter, holds the treasure we seek. Spend some time in the dark today...

Soleil.

Looking Through The Window

All alone and looking through the window at the outside world this evening, was like watching a life stories being played slowly on an old video player....events throughout life being shown one after another on a life's screen. Some of the pictures came out very vague and stained...some blotched by love hurt, some came out shaky and some just stood still againts the time.....

And suddenly I missed you Angel......I do...

Soleil

Hole In The Heart ( The Missing Puzzle)

This past few days, I became very teary over small things. Last nite I was outside my mum's house all alone against the quietness of the nite. Looked up at the bright shining moon in the sky, the few stars that blinked, I smiled to the wonder of God and then felt tears came rolling down my cheeks. I became malancholic.....missing, longing, loving, hating, those feeling stabbed deep and created a hole in my heart that it bled....the blood came as tears down my cheeks.....and I felt that I was falling....and falling and falling......

So I would like to thank someone somewhere on this planet, who is always there to catch my fall, who will make me smile when am feeling sad, who will tell me over and over again not to let anyone hurt my feeling, who forever said life will be wonderful, who always has something good to say to others......I thank you Angel of God who is always there looking over me, who gives love without failing......

When I felt this way, I remember someone somewhere who wrote:

"When you are feeling alone like no one cares, remember that....every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least fifteen people in this world love you. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least two people in this world that would die for you. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. Always remember the compliments you've received.Forget the rude remarks. Be thankful for whatever challenges you'll get coz this makes you a better and stronger person"

I think there are some truth in the saying......I want to believe it is SO....

Thank you Angel......your name is written in my heart and you are the missing puzzle in my life.

Soleil

Being Right

Indeed, this need of individuals to be right is so great that they are willing to sacrifice themselves, their relationships and even love for it.

Many people choose to be right rather than be happy. They will argue to the bitter end about the "rightness" of their thoughts and actions ( am one sometimes ). They do not care about what they are doing to the people they are arguing with.

Why do they behave this way? Are they perfect? No, few of us can claim to be that. They are simply unwilling to view their fallibility and confess to the weakness that come along with being human.

I guess when we are willing to give up being right, we will find peace and happiness ( will try my best to do so ). It is when we are ready to learn I think, that we will be right.

So I guess, if we wish to be happy and free, we have to give up having to be right all the time.

Search me.

Soleil

My Angel's Love

Ain't he the cutest boy on earth?? I just have to look deep in his eyes and know that life is worth living and there are so much happiness around that can oveshadow the sadness......
this is my life, my soul, my angel

those eyes spoke of love that touched my soul, that always brought me back to the real world whenever I felt that life was so unfair..............................................

.................and so cruel........when I thought that love was nothing but a piece of bleeding heart......

how could I not love this life, savour this love that is so innocent and so beautiful.........bless u my angel.....

Soleil

SOB n NAB

Last nite, my gurl was coughing non stop, triggered by eating chocolate rice crispies. Took inhalers, no difference...waited and waited and waited. 1.30 in the morning, she got worst and she claimed she suffered a slight SOB....so I said, "Right, let's go to the hospital".....

Checked. Lungs clear. No congestion. Been coughing 3/52....still I requested for NAB...and here she is on NAB......sleepy and tired.

and bored...................

Then off to Xray room. Need to double check lungs...coz of that stubborn cough for the last 3 weeks. Waited and waited....not long. Hospital quite empty tonite. Usually A&E department was so busy at this time of the nite...tonite I was lucky.....staffs sat around talking and discussing
Xray came clear...thank God. Love you my Angel Princess

Back home 3 am.

Soleil